a matter of perspective

October 3, 2008

A dog thinks:

Hey, those people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me…..They must be gods!

A cat thinks:

Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me….. I must be a god.


cat workout

October 1, 2008

I have spent the last 5 minutes laughing hysterically at this joke which I think cat lovers will love. It gives cat owners a series of steps to follow to give kitty a pill. Another way to look at it is getting an awesome workout. 😉

  1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
  2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
  3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
  4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
  5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from kitchen.
  6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat’s head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
  7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
  8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse’s armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat’s mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
  9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply bandage to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
  10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
  11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
  12. Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat’s mouth open with small wrench. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
  13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
  14. Arrange for vet to make a house call.